Just thoughts – Page 4

‘Tis a Gift to Be Single

So I was gardening the other day, and it occurred to me that the lyrics to “Simple Gifts” could easily changed to fit my life circumstance.

Tis the gift to be single, ’tis the gift to be free
‘Tis the gift to be right where we want to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

Okay, so I don’t know what the whole valley of love and delight stuff is about. But I wanted to write about the gift to be single.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like a gift, because everyone’s always talking about how wonderful marriage is, and how it’s the best thing ever and God’s plan and stuff. I get it. And I’m not going anti-marriage or anything, I’m just trying to be positive about my situation.

I’ve come to the realization that if I weren’t single right now, I wouldn’t be able to pursue the new dreams I’ve come upon, like moving to a big city to teach refugees. I’m really excited about where my life is going, and I think Heavenly Father has given me this time as a gift. I do want to be married someday, but for now I’m anxiously engaged in doing good things on my own.

First Place Loser

When I was in 4th grade, I got 2nd place at the Provo City track meet in the 200 yard dash. After catching my breath, I walked over to my dad, and exclaimed, “If it weren’t for the girl in front of me, I would’ve won!”

Ain’t that the truth.

But I had a similar experience this week– I was one of two applicants who made it to the 2nd interview, after the other 73 applicants were eliminated. I guess it was an honor to have made it that far, but I’m now in the exact same position as al the others who didn’t even get a second interview.

Have you ever thought about what it must feel like to make it to the super bowl, and then lose? Or go all the way to the Olympics, and then not get gold? Or become the Republican candidate, and then lose? In some ways, I feel there is more pain in 2nd place.

For me, the further along I go, the most emotionally invested and thus vulnerable I become. When you make it ALMOST as far as the winner, and then don’t win, it bites.

Lest you think I’m super depressed about this, I’m fine. I’m excited for my future. But I think there’s a group of 2nd placers out there who could really use some compassion.

A Valentine’s Day Post

Well, it’s that time of year again. The time of year when it’s no longer Christmas or my birthday, but somehow it’s still bitter cold. The time of year when my students have lost their holiday energy and aren’t motivated to do anything. The time of year when everyone talks about love and marriage and how nice it all is.

I’m not complaining– I actually love being single. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I don’t get married in this life, I’ll have a wide selection of really awesome men who died without marriage. A few of my options are:

1. Alvin Smith

Apparently Joseph says he’s the most attractive man he’s ever seen besides Adam and Seth.

2. One of the Sweetwater boys

So they died (unmarried) performing an incredibly selfless act of service. That’s the kind of boy I’d like to be with for eternity.

3. Abel

I mean, maybe he was married. Who knows.

4. Someone who died in war

Options.

5. Fred Weasley

So our kids would be half bloods, but we all know that blood status means nothing.

Just think of the high need of single women in Heaven! Way more men than women have died in war over the course of the history of the world, so it’s got to measure out somehow. Just saying.

#Always

I know this is super belated, but I want to take this time to honor Alan Rickman, recently departed living embodiment of Severus Snape.

About 5 years ago, I joined a Facebook group called “We Demand an Oscar to Alan Rickman for His Role as Severus Snape” along with 32,319 other devoted fans. I still feel that he deserved a major award for portraying the character that J.K. Rowling created, rather than trying to divine who Snape might be on his own. HE READ THE BOOKS. THAT’S why he was soooo incredibly Snape-like: He actually knew Snape!

Before I move to a Colonel Brandon tribute (#literalIdealMan), I’ve chosen to take this time to expose my true feelings for book Snape.

As much as I love how beautifully true to the book Alan Rickman was, I have to be honest and confess that I really dislike Snape himself. I know he was technically “good”, like on the good side, but I still don’t like him. I appreciate the great sacrifices he had to make, and I guess it’s presh that Harry and Ginny named one of their kids after him, and I grant that he is incredibly brave… But I still don’t feel comfortable saying he was a “good” guy. I hesitate as a type this, but I come back to the fact that he was a hard-core bully. He was Neville’s boggart! That’s a big deal. If I were the boggart of one of my students, I’d know I’d failed as a teacher. He was also in love with a married woman. That’s kind of messed up. And tragic, I know. James was better for her.

Now quick Colonol Brandon shoutout:

There is nothing not to adore about this man. He is perfect in every way, and TBH I don’t know that MaryAnne deserved him.

Joy

I’ve recently been thinking about what joy is. I listened to a pod cast the other day about what kinds of things make us happy, and it’s been on my mind since. I asked a friend who has left the Church what brings him joy, and he told me he didn’t believe in joy. I honestly had no response for that. A life without joy?! So I’ve decided to bring you a collection of what brings me joy.

1. Really good, long, meaningful conversations.
2. High quality food.
3. Being in the depths of nature, specifically Rock Canyon or Hukilau Beach.
4. Doing a puzzle while listening to HP.
5. Playing duets with Lug.
6. When people agree with me. #Leen
7. Beautiful music.
8. Helping people understand stuff I’m passionate about. (i.e. the Gospel, grammar, etc.)
9. Effective scripture study. (This is a continual struggle for me.)
10. Puns.

I for one believe in joy. I believe our purpose here is to have joy, and I also believe joy is impossible without deep sorrow and suffering. The most joyful experiences of my mission came out of the most difficult trials. The deepest joy I had with my students last semester came from struggles they had. Joy is possible for all of us because of the Savior.

Therefore, I’d like to conclude by saying He was born so I can have joy. Not all the time, but on occasion.

#collegelife Reflections

My #collegelife AND #HiLife will soon be over. In 11 days, to be precise. So in honor of this momentous end, I’ve decided to write about the joys of being a college student, and maybe some conventional wisdom I’ve attained. In list form, for your convenience.

1. A few really good friends are better than a thousand acquaintances.
Maybe this comes from growing up with two BEST friends, but I’ve learned the importance of close friendships– people who legitimately care about me as a person, and people who I feel for equally.

2. Sleep is literally a need.
I had the “sleep is an unnecessary luxury” mindset my first two years of college. Since then, I’ve learned that I’m a million times more effective if I have enough sleep. I feel so much more alive when I’m well-rested! And let’s be honest, nothing good goes down after 11:00pm anyway.

3. Pandora One is worth it. Netflix is not.
Some of my favorite college memories consist of my besties and me sitting on my bed, watching our show. The only show I’ve made it all the way through is Chuck, which I watched my Sophomore year. All the other shows (The Office, Psych, Once, and Gilmore Girls) met an untimely demise, and I’ve never gotten around to finishing them. As delightful as relaxing with friends and being entertained by your hilarious on-screen friends, I’ve learned that there are better ways to spend God’s time. By deleting my Netflix account (side note– the Netflix free trial is what got me watching shows to begin with! #brilliant) I suddenly had time for things like exercise and Conference talks and pleasure reading. Pandora One, on the other hand, is a complete joy.

4. It always works out when you put God first.
There’s not a lot I need to say about this. Keeping the Sabbath is one of my favorite commandments, because it has brought me so many blessings. Making weekly temple service and daily scripture study priorities opened the doors for all kinds of blessings. He ALWAYS keeps His promises.

5. Being single is not the worst fate to befall a person.
Not by a long shot. I admit, I would’ve liked to be married by the time I graduated. But I’m happy to announce that because of my extremely single status, I am footloose and fancy free. I can go wherever I please. Being single all through college allowed me to reach out in ways that I absolutely wouldn’t have been able to under other circumstances. It gave me relationships I wouldn’t have been able to develop otherwise. It gave me empathy and patience. It saved me heartache. It was great.

6. The Oxford Comma will ALWAYS be appropriate.
Nothing more needs to be said.

7. Thank you notes are never a bad idea.
I’ve had the fun experience on multiple occasions to see a note I wrote posted in a professor’s office or on a friend’s mirror, and it just makes me smile. Nobody doesn’t want to be appreciated, and I’ve learned that written appreciation goes a loooong way.

8. Expensive granola bars, man.
I hate spending money. Hate it. Besides rent and tuition, the only thing I really spend money on is food, and I’ve developed some weird spending habits when it comes to grocery shopping. A word to the wise: at the end of the day, the expensive granola bars are the best, and are legitimately worth their outrageous price. As for the expensive cereal, give me a break.

9. Setting goals and making plans is vital.
Daily and weekly planning are things I would NEVER do before my mission, but I’m happy to say I’m a changed girl in that aspect. Daily and weekly planning keep me organized in goals and plans, and keep me progressing. After all, if you aren’t progressing, you’re digressing.

10. Grades don’t matter.
It’s all about an education, which is absolutely not measured by your Grade Point Average. I was super externally motivated my grades throughout most of my college career, and I’ve come to realize that it just really doesn’t matter. Turns out grad schools don’t even really care about your GPA. #theSystem

11. Everyone has a story.
Judging a book by its cover limits you from a plethora of fantastic books that no one else is reading. When you take time to open the book and READ it, the results are stunning.

That’s it. Cheers.

Living in Thanksgiving

My Sunday is winding down. I hate it when that happens! Sunday is SERIOUSlY the #bestday, and its certain weekly demise is nothing short of tragic.

As I ponder on the past week and plan for the next (which is something I try to do every Sunday), I realize how totally awesome my life is.

You may or may not know that I just graduated from BYU-Hawaii. My amazing parents and favorite youngest sister came to visit me and bought me yummy food. I get to hang out with fantastic third graders every day, and teach them vital skills and knowledge that will help them grow and progress. I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I get to partake of the full blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I live approximately 25 seconds away from a temple of God. I have four incredible grandparents living and breathing and imparting wisdom. I have a device that fits in my pocket and gives me access to basically all the knowledge available to man at this time. It also gives me the ability to maintain contact with my friends and family in UT and CA and MI and NY and everywhere else. I served in the California Los Angeles Mission under the direction of the Lord and President Weidman. Life is good, man.

I’ve set a goal to not just be thankful, but to live in thanksgiving daily. My #ponderize verse last week was D&C 46:7, which says that if we do “all things with prayer and thanksgiving”, we will “not be seduced by evil spirits or doctrines of devils or the commandments of men.” I don’t know about you, but I want a slice of that pie. I’m still figuring out how to live in thanksgiving, but my current quest is to find out and do it.

Ever Learning, Never Knowing

Aloha, my friends!

The majority of my Social Media experience over the last few days has been centered on the recent policy change in the Church. I, like you, have been troubled by the new policy, but I’ve been far more troubled by the reactions of fellow social media users, in and out of the Church, and in and out of the LGBT community. Mostly out.

I’m not here to discuss the new policy. I’m here to discuss a phenomenon of today’s society: taking seriously and personally everything on the Internet.

Since the policy change, 90% of what I saw on Facebook pertained to it. Some friends had changed their profile pictures to be rainbow-filtered to show their support for their LGBT friends and family (I’m assuming), some friends announced they were leaving the Church, some friends posted Elder Christofferson’s video explanation, some friends expressed outrage at the “shameful” move, and all friends were highly opinionated.

It would have taken hours to read all the articles posted by my friends, almost all certainly biased one way or another, so I stuck with the official Church announcement and a few others. But the really amazing thing to me was just how much stuff was out there. Everyone wanted to add a voice to the conversation, and the conglomeration of voices jumbled together created a confusing situation.

A verse in the New Testament stuck out to me in Sunday School today, and I feel it relates directly to the issue at hand. It is found in 2 Timothy 3:7, and it reads, speaking of people in the last days, “Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

Isn’t that just a perfect description of our society today? We “learn” all about some stressful issue by reading opinion articles and Facebook posts. Is that knowledge? I don’t believe so. Truth with a capital T comes by the Spirit, who has to be invited. I think it’s time we stopped seeking knowledge in “divers places” and looked to the Source of Truth, who is represented by our Prophet and found in the Holy Scriptures.

I Wasn’t Always Like This: a reflection on change

Mosh pits. Loud music. Minimal clothing. Late hours. Poor lighting. Suggestive dancing.

These are the elements of the Halloween party I was forced to attend last night, as the pianist for a good friend who had been asked to sing. Of course I was happy to help him, even if it meant I didn’t get my weekly Sherlock fix, because friends.

I walked down about 50 stone steps into the back yard of some boys in our ward and saw the mosh pit. I also heard excessively loud drumming and felt the temperature rise about 15 degrees as I neared the humans. I immediately felt uncomfortable.

After what felt like 4 hours of torture, where I was on the brink of tears and experiencing my own personal Hell, Mike decided not to sing the songs I played with him. Eagerly my girlfriends and I took off. As we were leaving, my friend Tori turned to me and said, “You know, I didn’t used to be this lame.”

This gave me pause, because a) I don’t think it’s lame to leave a party where the Spirit can’t be, and b) Shoots, I didn’t used to be like this either.

Did I attend wild parties before my mission? No. Did I enjoy low-qual music? Heck no. But before my mission, I could handle the big groups and loud music and late nights. Before my mission, I could also handle going places by myself, sleeping past 8, going to bed after 11, and not ever making plans. Before my mission, I was a different girl.

I can honestly say that I was my #1 convert. I already had a burning testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Book of Mormon, but it sure did get stronger every time I shared it. I already knew the Gospel blesses families, but I know it even better now that I’ve seen it bring families together. I already knew that God loves all His children, but I felt His love for them more powerfully than I ever had before or since.

So although it may seem lame that I don’t like big parties anymore, I’m going to resist that. I’m going to embrace the changes I experienced on my mission, such as delighting in setting goals and making plans, and continue to progress.

I don’t think God wants me to be like I used to be.

Real Life

All my life, I’ve been hearing about “The Real World”, that ominous, ambiguous, paramount future, whose preparation was the goal of all my public education.

I’ve shifted from hanging out with 20-somethings who are definitely still not in The Real World, to 8 year-olds who are being prepared for 4th grade, where they will be prepared for 5th grade, where they will be prepared for 6th grade, where they will be prepared for Middle School, where they will be prepared for High School, where they will be prepared for College, where they will be prepared for… The Real World?

Wait, what? I’ve realized that in taking steps to prepare for The Real World, we spend at least a quarter of a century in Preparation Mode; that is, outside The Real World. So where are we, anyway?

I submit that The Real World begins at birth. We’re on this earth to have valuable life experiences, and to say that what takes place before getting your Doctorate isn’t real is to undermine God’s plan. Maybe I’m not working 40 hours a week. Maybe my students don’t have as many responsibilities now as they will someday. Maybe the High School senior still lives at home. (Heaven forbid!) But I don’t think any of those qualities remove reality from the world.

A voluntary raise of hands from my third graders told me that roughly 70% of my class has had or currently has a parent or parents in prison. To my knowledge, at least 25% of my students don’t live with both parents. If that’s not real life, I don’t know what is.

The world kids live in is cold and hard and REAL, and I think we’re doing them a disservice by always harping on about The Real World and how different and great and scary and the same and new and messed up it is. They don’t need to hear that. They’re living in it.

LIFE is The Real World. Every experience we have is significant, no matter how old we are, or what state of life we find ourselves.