Okay, Imma get super real today. Or tonight, rather. It’s almost 3am, and I’m wide awake as I toss and turn in my bed, pondering on some of my deep flaws. Tbh it’s been pretty overwhelming.
Here’s the situation: I’ve always known I was opinionated. Amber Blair has opinions about everything, and she’s not afraid to share them. But whhhhhhhhy? Why do I always have to give my opinion? Literally nobody asked for it. I was thinking about that when this line from Anne of Green Gables popped into my head:
“Mrs Rachel was one of those delightful and popular people who pride themselves on speaking their mind without fear or favour.”
lol that’s me. But not really lol, because this is not funny. Rachel Lynde is not a character you’re supposed to like. She’s kind of the worst.
“Mrs. Lynde dearly loved to be asked for advice.”
I LOVE it when people ask my advice.
So here I am at a moment of reckoning: that awkward moment when you realize you embody the characteristics of one of the least-likeable literary characters of fictional history.
How do I feel? Ashamed. Scared. Angry. Like I want to run away to Iceland, where no one knows me, and start a new life where I never give my opinion on anything unless expressly asked. Oh to be able to start over.
Unfortunately that doesn’t seem like the most plausible or productive option for me at this point in my life. As wonderful as Iceland is, and as much as I loved vacationing there last Summer, opportunities to progress in my career and in other aspects of my life are probably pretty thin on the line over there. Alas.
So what am I going to do? Hiding away in my shame won’t get me anywhere. (As a side note– it kind of sucks to realize that it is in fact my own fault that I’m not married.) So I’ll do my best to get over my shame, and then work as hard as I possibly can to never give opinions. Obviously I can’t do this on my own, so this will involve serious help from my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who knows exactly how to help me. (Alma 7:11-13)
I think things will be okay. I’m still super embarrassed of the last 26 years of my life and how I made people feel uncomfortable and judged all the time. But I am capable of change through Christ. Hopefully everyone who has known me will be able to forgive me and allow me to progress. I am hands-down the most flawed person I know, but I believe my weaknesses can become strengths.