Mike: Waiting to read Harry Potter until you have kids is like waiting to repent until right before you die.
Mama: Sometimes when I was reading Harry Potter, I’d find myself praying for him in my nightly prayers.
Amber: Wait, you have four nonmember friends? How on earth did you find them?
Jonathan: They’re Asian.
Uncle Spence: There are two kinds of people in this world– the ones you love, and the ones you don’t know.
Nate: Are you a Harry Potter junkie?
Amber: You mean like a Harry Potter nerd? Absolutely, and proud of it.
Nate: You guys are going to take over this campus. You’re everywhere!
Tiffany: So, I came to our new ward on the first day, and I was like, “There’s something missing!” and then I realized it’s because there weren’t any Freshmen. There’s just a different feel without the Freshmen. You can tell when they aren’t there.
Dr. D: The Holy Spirit was urim and thummiming in Pope Gregory’s ear.
Madison: Someday I’m going to throw a tomato at someone.
DB: Heavy Metal is indebted to Hindemith and Brahms.
Bro. Burroughs: My pants are from Tokyo, my shirt is from Malasia, my shoes are from Indonesia, and my underwear is from Salt Lake City.
Mike: You know, I think James just needed to go on a mission before Lily could fall in love with him.
Bro. Tueller: Welcome to History 202. It’s good to see your bright and shiny faces.
Madison: Shiny. That makes me feel oily.
Bro. Walker: It’s kind of interesting how the PCC has used Polynesian men as a marketing thing.
Amber: I just love teasing you guys.
Nate: I don’t feel teased in the slightest.
Amber: So, I was doing research on Machaut for Music History, and I read that he used canons much less than his predecessors. Were canons regularly used in the Middle Ages?
DB: Um, no. Did you check what kind of canon it was? Canon or Cannon?
Amber: Ohhhhh. I was so excited about the idea of the Masses employing explosives, and using it in my Beethoven orchestration!
Mike: Here’s what you should tell your president: I’m your mission’s biggest asset. When I arrive, business will boom!
Little boy 1: When are you going to get an ear ring?
Little boy 2: I’m not going to.
Little boy 1: Why not?
Little boy 2: Because the prophet doesn’t have an ear ring, and I might be the prophet someday!
Kristen: I love Once Upon A Time.
Amber: Me too. I love Psych.
Kristen: I know you do.
Amber: I also love Chuck. And I actually still love the Office, even though it’s bad and I don’t watch it anymore. Still loving the Office now is like still loving a child who’s gone astray.
Nate: I’m going to be an uncle! I need a good pamphlet to read on how to be an uncle. And a good uncle name.
Amber: Whoa, look at our scores!
Bethany: Amber, I’m so happy for us!
Amber: I submitted my mission papers before they made the announcement.
Amber: I had a gmail account when you still had to be invited to join.
Amber: I was watching those Mac ads before they were popular.
Amber: I submitted my papers before everyone was submitting their papers.
Amber: I was planning on going on a mission way before everyone was planning on going.
Amber: I was in Young Womens before they had virtue.
Amber: I got my Gospel in Action before they switched to Faith in God.
Amber: Pluto was a planet when I was growing up.
Mr. Taniguchi: Joseph’s wife is going to give birth any day now. If she goes into labor during the concert, can you jump off the stage and sedate her?
Sarah (Engaged; Taiwanese; in presence of fiance): Elder Bednar is my favorite speaker. He’s so handsome!
Sunday School teacher: Let’s get to know Coco. Ask her a question. Any question.
Japanese male class member: How much do you weigh?
Amber: Hugh Jackman is so attractive.
Ben: That’s what I’ve heard. I can’t quite share your sympathies.
Amber: Um, you aren’t supposed to be sympathetic about that.
Ben: I mean I can’t quite share your attraction.
Lug: Lind, he’s really nice, and he makes good comments in class, and he asks me questions. Like, he asked me without any prompting if I named my piano. I mean, who just does that?”
Kali: So we have Mother Earth and Father–
Kali: In the Mormon church, we worship basketball.
Kali: I’m from Hau’ula, which is the best place in the world. We’re famous in Hau’ula, because we have a 7-11.
Addison: [seeing a friend request] Do you recognize this name?
Amber: I don’t know anyone named Noel.
Addison: Oh, she’s probably a fan. [He was being serious.]
Amber: Okay, when I find this, I’ll post it to your wall.
Addison: I don’t have a wall.
Amber: Uhhh yeah you do.
Addison: No, I have a timeline.
Amber: I’ve never heard anyone call it that before.
Addison: That’s because that’s what it was when we were first on facebook. Now think about it, when little kids get older and have facebook, they’ll only know it as Timeline.
Amber: We had facebook before there was Timeline.
Ben: Sarah, will you take my test for me?
Sarah: Sure, but I’d do absolutely nothing.
Ben: Does anyone want to go and figure out all the codes for me so that I can take the test on my ipad, and cheat out of the book here. I’ve always wanted to cheat and get away with it. Does anyone want to do that for me?
Sarah: Does anyone want to go to Hell for Ben?
Ben: Who’s dedicated enough to go to Hell for me?
Ben: Men aren’t afriad of cockroaches!
Amber: Yeah, but they are afraid of women, who are afraid of cockroaches.
Sarah: Addison, are you afriad of woman?
Amber: Are you afraid of WOMEN?
Sarah: My mouth’s full of food. I can’t say “women”, I have to say “woman”, or else my food will fall out of my mouth.
Addison:Yes, I’m terrified of women.
[conversation about pronunciation of women for several moments]
Amber: Every man is afraid of women.
Ben: I’d rather be famous than infamous.
Dr. Bradshaw: If you don’t know how to do plain vanilla, you’ll never get a chocolate chip!
Dr. Bradshaw: That’s something you can just shout at a backstreet fight– ‘Oh yeah? Bizbigliando!’
Ben: Backstreet fights must have been different where you grew up.
Dr. Bradshaw: We should get started with class so we can study brass. Let’s stop rhyming right there, for they go we know not where.