It’s my belief that you can’t REALLY know how to interact with people in a certain situation until you yourself have been in that very situation. For example, you can’t REALLY know the best things to say to a teacher on Parent Teacher Conference week unless you’ve been a teacher. You can’t REALLY know the most helpful questions to ask a missionary unless you’ve been a missionary. You can’t REALLY know what to say to someone who’s recently been through a divorce unless you’ve been divorced. And you can’t REALLY know what to say to a pregnant woman unless you’ve been pregnant.
Therefore I had no idea how to talk to pregnant women (besides “Wow, you look great!”) until I became pregnant. So in an effort to help anyone who may want to improve their abilities to talk to converse with that vast demographic, I bring you Amber’s Guide to Talking to Pregnant Women!
GREAT QUESTIONS TO ASK
1. How far along are you?
This is like the most basic question you could ever ask, and it will give you plenty of information. No matter what the answer is, you can always say something positive in response.
2. How are you feeling?
Still basic, still easy to answer. If she’s feeling great, great. If she’s feeling terrible, tell her how brave and strong she is.
3. What’s your favorite part of being pregnant?
This is a no-strings-attached question, and hopefully it will make her smile. You could also ask her about her least favorite part if you wanted.
BIG NO-NOs
1. As tempting as it is, do not talk about her body (e.g. weight gain, a la “Are you sure there’s only one in there?”). There is SO MUCH MORE going on than her changing body (e.g. growing a human), and she just really doesn’t need to hear about her body. She may be worried that she’s gained too much weight, or she may be worried than she’s not gaining enough. She may be worried that her bump is too big, or she may be worried that her bump is too small. Just don’t talk about her body. It should never be the focus.
2. Unless she brings it up, don’t ask for personal details (e.g. baby’s name, birth plan, plans after the baby is born). These are between the woman and her partner, and they really aren’t your business. I love telling people our baby’s name, but I also loved it when Spencer and I were the only ones that knew it. There’s something special about keeping certain parts of the pregnancy sacred, and the parents shouldn’t have to deal with nosy people trying to know everything. And maybe she doesn’t know what it’s going to be like after the baby comes, so try to avoid adding additional stress.
3. Don’t touch her belly. I don’t know why people suddenly feel entitled to touch women as soon as they know there’s another human inside, but I have been astonished at how many people have reached out to touch my belly without asking if I mind. Just look at it and tell her how beautiful she is.
4. Don’t tell her horror stories of pregnancy or birth. For some reason people seem to think I’d like to know how their neighbor’s baby died shortly after delivery, or how their varicose veins never went away, or how she got a concussion during the third trimester and now has no short term memory. g o o d . v i b e s . o n l y .