Essie is 6 months old! She is so much more fun and happy and calm than I ever expected, and I am so grateful to be her mom.
Speaking of unexpected, the whole birth process was basically the opposite of everything I expected, and I was like insanely prepared. I read tons of books about birth, I listened to podcasts about birth, I studied hypnobirthing, I talked to other women about their experiences… And yet somehow it still turned out completely unlike everything I imagined and prepared for. So here’s the story of how an excessively stubborn girl gave birth to an angel child in the exact opposite way from what she’d planned!
I went to yoga the morning of February 15 and everyone couldn’t believe I was still pregnant! After yoga I lost my mucous plug, so I texted my doula Mariah and she said she was pretty sure I’d go into labor within 12 hours. I started having contractions consistently and intensely at 7pm, but I’d already been having them for a few days. We went on several walks to try to induce labor, and I had some big contractions. We called my parents and Mariah to tell them active labor had begun. Mariah came over, and I labored for HOURS in our living room. We used my exercise ball and rapped Hamilton and In The Heights (thanks Lin) during contractions. That really helped relax my body and distract me. My parents showed up pretty soon after, and this continued until 2:00am when Mariah said we should go to the hospital.
We made it to the hospital despite two Ubers stalling in the street (one lane!!). We were sent to triage in the hospital, and they said I was only dilated 1.5cm. But then they came back and said I had high blood pressure (which I’ve never had before) so they admitted me.
I kept having consistent and super intense contractions. Spencer and Mariah were both amazingly helpful. I labored for hours, but every time my midwife Lysbeth came to check on me my dilation never progressed. 🙁
Around 10:00am on Sunday, Lysbeth decided we needed to do an intervention to get my cervix to open, so they inserted these water balloon things. They put it in wrong the first time, so then they had to do it again! It was quite painful. They got me dilated to a 5.5, but around 12:30 the water balloon things fell out.
Then I labored for another few hours (with much help from Spencer and Mariah) but the dilation never increased. My mom pulled me aside and said, “You know, you don’t need to rule out an epidural.” I felt super annoyed when she said that, and I told her I’d made my decision a long time ago that I wasn’t going to get an epidural.
Later Lysbeth came in to say that I still hadn’t dilated. She said that with each contraction I was tensing up my lower body, which could be preventing dilation. So she suggested an epidural, and told me it could help progress birth and be better for Esther. Of course I was super disappointed, but I knew I had to do what was best for my daughter, so I made the choice to get an epidural.
I have to say that epidurals are pretty much the most miraculous invention of the last century. I could see on the monitor that I was still having intense contractions, but I couldn’t feel them at all. It was AMAZING. Especially after almost 24 hours of active, unmedicated labor.
After laboring for a while with the epidural, Lysbeth came in and said that we needed to try other positions to get the baby happy, because with each contraction her heart rate was dropping. We realized that her heart rate went up when we sang, so Spencer and I sang Primary songs for about an hour, and Esther did great. It was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. Then her heart rate went way down. 🙁
The OB came in and said they thought her umbilical cord was probably wrapped around her neck, which is what was preventing dilation. So she said the only option was c-section. Obviously I didn’t want to have a c-section, but I knew we had to do it because it was the only safe way to get Esther out.
A huge team rushed me into the OR and Spencer had to change into scrubs and stuff. I felt so anxious while he was gone, and it was such a relief when he came back. He squeezed my hand and told me he was there. Then he gave me a blessing and blessed me and Esther to live long, healthy, and happy lives. Spencer held my hand for the whole surgery. It turned out to be a huge blessing that I’d had the epidural, because then they didn’t have to put me all the way under.
The tugging and pulling was unimaginably uncomfortable. But they finally pulled out Esther, and hearing her first cry was one of the most joyful experiences of my life. Spencer got to go see her, and then they brought her over to me to hold her for the first time. It was such a special, sacred experience after all that trauma, and I was filled with so much gratitude that Esther made it safely here. She began nursing immediately after they laid her on me! She is perfect, and we love her with all our hearts.