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An alphabetic list of actions of my incredible, Christlike mom.

A- Attended every race, track meet, and concert.
B- Believed in her girls and supported us in everything.
C- Cooked healthy, delicious food and after school snacks.
D- Drove me everywhere when I couldn’t get my license.
E- Entertained my friends, even when I wasn’t there.
F- Focused on the Savior.
G- Gave her ENTIRE life to us kids.
H- Helped in my classes.
I- Invited EVERYONE into her home as a welcome guest.
J- Joyfully served.
K- Kindly corrected us.
L- Listened when I needed to talk.
M- Married my daddy when they were younger than I am now.
N- Never compromised her values.
O- Obediently followed Christ.
P- Practiced Piano with me for years.
Q- Quietly set an amazing example.
R- Read out loud to us, and read the scriptures every day.
S- Stayed with me at the hospital during my entire recovery.
T- Taught me to love the Lord.
U- Understood the true meaning of discipleship.
V- Valued the opinion of God more than man’s.
W- Wrote me every week of my mission.
X- eXamined her role as a woman in God’s plan.
Y- Yearned for our well-being.
Z- Zeroed in on the most important things.

I love my mama! She is one of the most loving, Christlike people I know, and I aspire to be like her someday. Maybe after the resurrection.

Aloha! I hope you’re having a happy Sunday! I had a great, productive week, and I wanted to share just a few things from the week.

1. We celebrated PI DAY OF THE CENTURY at Ted’s. #ofcourse #chocolatehaupia #3.14159265359

2. My roommate Min gave me a life-changing gift last week: a RUNNING BELT. (not pictured. This is just to give you an idea.) #fivestars #wherehaveyoubeenallmylife

3. #projectbanana continues successful!!!

4. I went to our school’s production of “The Importance of Being Earnest” twice this week, and cried tears of laugter both times. #OscarWilde #Found???? #Itproducesvibrations

5. #FreedomWriters has now entered my top ten. Excellent movie. #mydream #whenIgrowup

6. I attended a #TheLeaderInMe conference at Lehua Elementary in Pearl City this week. The Leader In Me program is an adaptation of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of highly effective people for Elementary schools. #soinspiring Kids rise to the expectations we set for them.

Leen just shared a delightful blog post about lists, so I wanted to share a list of my own composition (with the help of Dell) in response.

1. What happened in the last dream that you remember?
2. When are you the most comfortable?
3. If you had to choose someone to play you in a movie of your life, who would it be?
4. What are three books you fully intend to read to your children?
5. If you were going to have lunch with a professional musician or composer, who would it be and where would you go? And what would you get?
6. Which Tillamook ice cream flavor is the best? (this is an important one)
7. Which movie would you say you’ve seen the most times?
8. If you could pick up and leave on a trip tomorrow, where would it be?
9. Would you rather spend an evening with Knightley, Bingley or Darcy?
10. Would you rather have a Star Wars, LOTR, Pride and Prej, or HP movie marathon this weekend?

My answers:
1. I literally never remember my dreams. #quelastima
2. I’m most comfortable with a group of people I love, discussing the wonders of the universe, preferably on comfortable couches with delectable appetizers at our fingertips.
3. Ummm I don’t really know of anyone with curly hair (#becurly), and I can’t imagine my life being played in non-curly fashion.
4. The Harry Potter series, The Chronicles of Narnia, and The Phantom Tolbooth.
5. Eric Whitacre. We’d meet up in LA, so I could stay with Hna. Murillo, and we’d eat at the pupusaria on Vermont Ave. Obviously we’d get pupusas.
6. The triple chocolate one.
7. Well, if we’re being honest, probably “The Restoration”
8. Probably New York. Especially if The Lion King is showing.
9. Darcy.
10. Just had a LOTR marathon with Leen, so I think I’m feeling Pride and Prej.

As inspired by Dell, these are a few things I must do during this holiday season, in no particular order.
1. Go to the MoTab Christmas concert.
2. Go to a Messiah sing-in
3. Read all the Harry Potter Christmas scenes (#Dell)
4. Play DB for at least ten hours, intermingled with Mormon taboo
5. Have a Christmas recital
6. Visit my mission and my dear friends in LA!!!!
7. Take a non-member to Temple Square
8. Talk mission with Kristen
9. Watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”
10. Make popcorn balls

Here’s something I’ve discovered since coming home: for missionaries, regular time stops the day they go into the MTC. I still expect girls that were pregnant when I left to be pregnant. “New movies” are any movie that came out after I left. Everyone is the age and stage they were when I left. So then I see them and I’m shocked.

Along the vein of movies, “Frozen” is still a new movie in my mind. It was the first movie I saw after being released, and I was asking people if they’d seen it for like two weeks after that. Their responses were usually something like “Uhhh yes….” with inexplicable perplexity in their faces. #RMProbs

Anyway, that was a pre-set for a Frozen post, because I fully recognize that the internet is over Frozen and everyone has already said everything there is to say about it. But I haven’t! It’s still a new movie for me! So here are some of my thoughts, and you can yawn and pass on if you’re sick of Frozen blogs.

I have to admit that the first time I watched it, the homosexuality political commentary was screaming at me the whole time. No one had told me about it, but I’d just spent a year and a half in LA, home of the Rainbow Crosswalk on Santa Monica Boulevard, so it was kind of fresh on my mind.

I was quick to come up with other readings for the film, because I would prefer to not love a movie that promotes disobedience. My current reading of choice centers around the concept of isolation. Individuals who struggle with same-gender attraction absolutely experience isolation, and I cannot begin to comprehend how difficult that trial would be, but I think that all challenges, trials, and weaknesses have the potential for placing us in isolation. Any challenge. Any trial. Any weakness. If we “conceal, don’t feel, don’t let it show”, we continue in isolation. Therefore, “letting it go” shouldn’t mean breaking serious commandments. “Letting it go” should mean being open with our struggles and seeking support. We are not intended to do anything in this life by ourselves. That’s why we have families, that’s why we have wards and home- and visiting-teaching, and that’s why we have the Atonement. Because of the Atonement, we never need to be isolated. He has literally experienced every trail and challenge and weakness we will ever have, and He knows exactly how to help us. (See Alma 7:11-13.)

In conclusion, I think Disney’s “Frozen” is a commentary on the necessity of relying on the Atonement and living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. People do in fact “make bad choices if they’re mad or scared or stressed”, and it is our responsibility to “throw a little love their way”! The Act of true love that was performed by the Lord Jesus Christ is the only way frozen hearts can be thawed, and the only way any trial or challenge or weakness can be overcome. We “let it go” by relying on Him.

Those are my thoughts on Frozen. I loved it. I cried the first time I heard “Let it Go”.

One change many missionaries are able to experience during their missions is overcoming social fears or barriers they may have had before. We have the opportunity to talk to dozens of people every day, and are completely forced out of our comfort zones in a million ways. I can say from experience that the process is HARD. It’s scary. It’s uncomfortable.

I had to remind myself often that I represented Jesus Christ, and not myself. I had to pray for strength to talk to everyone, and I had to completely forget myself and my fears. At the beginning of my mission, I had to stop worrying about my super broken Spanish and focus on loving everyone and quaking and trembling for them.

Why was this so hard? We were making ourselves completely vulnerable. As missionaries, we put everything on the altar of sacrifice and focus entirely on our purpose. That is not natural for anyone, and as I said, it’s really scary. However, eventually missionaries get to a point where we really can talk to everyone without fear. It’s cool.

Why am I writing about this? I’m doing my best to retain the skills I developed on my mission, one of which is embracing vulnerability. It was easier as a missionary, because I really didn’t represent myself. Now I’m Amber Blair again, and it’s just not the same as it was with the badge and the power and authority. Being vulnerable is scary again.

I wanted to share this TED talk about vulnerability, because it put it all into a new light for me. I invite you to watch it and think about what you can do to allow yourself to be vulnerable. I know it will be hard. I’m working on it.

Adjustment. I’ve pondered on doing an entire post on “adjusting” and sharing my thoughts on the rocky road a recently returned missionary must tread, but I’ve decided to focus on just one adjustment for now.

That is the concept of “free time”, “down time”, or a “break”. Those are words that weren’t even part of my vocabulary for the last 18 months. Missionaries do NOT takes breaks. Not even on P-day. Missionaries NEVER have “free time” or anything like unto it, because they are on the Lord’s precious time, not a millisecond of which can be wasted. Some missionaries were a little bit more relaxed than me, as far as taking breaks and using time goes, but Hna. Blair never paused for a descanso. Some missionaries took naps during lunch, but I worked on the area book, read Jesus the Christ, made phone calls, or continued studying. I am by no means saying that is the only right way to do it. Some missionaries legitimately need those 60 minutes to rest, but I felt unconsecrated if I even paused.

So the point is, for the last year and a half, I never rested. Then here I am back in the world of regular people, faced with a regular schedule, regular expectations, and regular rules. There is nothing regular about never taking a break. When I first got back, I actually felt disobedient if I wasn’t in class or at the library (not kidding), and then I remembered that I wasn’t a missionary anymore a few days into the semester.

The adjustment I decided to make is what I like to call Lunch Break. Put simply, it means taking an entire hour (theoretically. This has yet to occur.) for a meal, not studying or working or anything. Taking an actual break. It’s a totally foreign concept for me, but I feel like the Lord inspired me to start this program for myself.

So here’s to lunch breaks!