I read this great article in Runner’s World (which is an awesome running magazine) called A Few Rules to Run By. I’d really like to post it, but I think that might be plagarism. But you can read it at runnersworld.com. (I don’t know how to do links.) I loved this part, which wasn’t actually part of the article. It might not bring as many smiles and nods to non-runners, (that’s not meant as an insult) but I thought it was great. I couldn’t figure out how to make a table, so I guess this format works.
NAME: The Speed Freak
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS:Buzzed hair. Supershort shorts. Racing flats. Twitch in one eye.
DANGEROUS?: Only if you get in his way.
NAME: The Weekend Warrior
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Warrior tube socks. Midsection paunch. Grin. Headphones.
DANGEROUS?: Only if you make fun of his socks.
NAME: The Penguin
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Plodding determination. Fanny pack.
DANGEROUS?: Only if you make fun of John Bingham.
NAME: The Charity Runner
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Selflessness. Tears. Matching outfits.
DANGEROUS?: No… unless you are anti-“awareness.”
NAME: The Ultra Guy
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Lean and tan to the nth degree. Quiet. Hard as nails.
DANGEROUS?: Only at an all-you-can-eat brunch buffet.
NAME: The Kicker
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: None whatsoever… until he or she unleashes a stiff, tight-lipped, arm-pumping sprint in the final 100 meters of a race.
DANGEROUS?: Lord help you if you get in the way of those pumping arms.
NAME: The Old-Timer
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Faded cotton T-shirt from the 1981 Peachtree 10-K. Scar on neck from melanoma. Twinkle in eye. Conspicuous lack of gadgets. Advanced age.
DANGEROUS?: Heck, no. These guys are great.
NAME: The Triathlete
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Ironman tattoo. Skintight unitard, possibly emblazoned with sponsors’ names. Comparatively large upper body. Vague smell of chorine.
DANGEROUS?: Only if you call him a unitard.
NAME: The Wacky Guy
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: “Antennas” headband, oversize novelty sunglasses, cowboy hat, kilt, superhero costume, etc. A grim determination to “have fun with it.”
DANGEROUS?: Probably not, although this guy might someday snap.
NAME: Joe Average
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: None.
DANGEROUS?: Almost certainly.