The Ten Types of Runners

I read this great article in Runner’s World (which is an awesome running magazine) called A Few Rules to Run By. I’d really like to post it, but I think that might be plagarism. But you can read it at (I don’t know how to do links.) I loved this part, which wasn’t actually part of the article. It might not bring as many smiles and nods to non-runners, (that’s not meant as an insult) but I thought it was great. I couldn’t figure out how to make a table, so I guess this format works.

NAME: The Speed Freak
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS:Buzzed hair. Supershort shorts. Racing flats. Twitch in one eye.
DANGEROUS?: Only if you get in his way.

NAME: The Weekend Warrior
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Warrior tube socks. Midsection paunch. Grin. Headphones.
DANGEROUS?: Only if you make fun of his socks.

NAME: The Penguin
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Plodding determination. Fanny pack.
DANGEROUS?: Only if you make fun of John Bingham.

NAME: The Charity Runner
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Selflessness. Tears. Matching outfits.
DANGEROUS?: No… unless you are anti-“awareness.”

NAME: The Ultra Guy
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Lean and tan to the nth degree. Quiet. Hard as nails.
DANGEROUS?: Only at an all-you-can-eat brunch buffet.

NAME: The Kicker
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: None whatsoever… until he or she unleashes a stiff, tight-lipped, arm-pumping sprint in the final 100 meters of a race.
DANGEROUS?: Lord help you if you get in the way of those pumping arms.

NAME: The Old-Timer
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Faded cotton T-shirt from the 1981 Peachtree 10-K. Scar on neck from melanoma. Twinkle in eye. Conspicuous lack of gadgets. Advanced age.
DANGEROUS?: Heck, no. These guys are great.

NAME: The Triathlete
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: Ironman tattoo. Skintight unitard, possibly emblazoned with sponsors’ names. Comparatively large upper body. Vague smell of chorine.
DANGEROUS?: Only if you call him a unitard.

NAME: The Wacky Guy
DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: “Antennas” headband, oversize novelty sunglasses, cowboy hat, kilt, superhero costume, etc. A grim determination to “have fun with it.”
DANGEROUS?: Probably not, although this guy might someday snap.

NAME: Joe Average
DANGEROUS?: Almost certainly.

2 thoughts on “The Ten Types of Runners”

  1. Oh Camille! I must admit that I love comments. That’s probably the thrill of blogging, and every bloggers number one desire. I’m glad you understood some of that. If you didn’t have bad knees, then we could sometimes run together. Maybe we still can?

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