Dell: Jaimie, that’s ESPN!
Dell: Picking up trash is very economically friendly.
Lira (my Relief Society president): Let me know if you need anything. I’m just facebook away.
Amber: Just remember, you’ll always have Haleiwa.
Amber: Are you afraid of being a dork?
Adam: I was.
Brian: Just embrace it.
Madison: Oh, they changed Night Show times! I have to reevaluate my whole life now.
Preston: Sour cream is a reminder of how much Heavenly Father loves us.
Netina: In the Olden Days, when my grandma went to school here…
Madison (Anthropology major): I hate people. It’s not even a secret. I hate people. [It’s true.]
Amber: Cassie, how do I make sure this doesn’t happen to me?
Cassie: Have a baby out of wedlock?
Amber: No! Have my pintrest info appear on my facebook.
Madison: I need your ear.
Amber: Mike, I’m so happy to hear your voice!
Mike: Me too!
Dr. K: I was blissfully unaware of the Blackboard issues last night. Ignorance is bliss, and that’s why I’m such a happy person.
Amber: You said ‘tarantula’ wrong when you were talking to that kid.
Madison: THAT KID? That kid’ is my life
Madison: Addison, if you got the Woodstock tie, I would literally throw rotten vegetables at you.
Devin: We’re just losing pepperonis each time we’re late.
Netina: My mom, she’s really really old, but she can still read, and she still plays the piano.”
Madison: I walked into the library and I saw you, and I was like, ‘Whoa. Flirt Sesh.’
Amber: I do not flirt!
Madison: You do. Everyone flirts. If you didn’t flirt, I’d disown you for being an alien.
Some crazy teacher we talked about in an education class: I’m only here to help those students who got 86% of higher. The rest of you need to just sit and fix your problems by yourself. [Holy cow.]
Brother Winstead: You work with me, or I’ll shoot you in the face with a bazooka.
Brother Winstead: We [educators] really do well on things badly, and then we perpetuate it.
Brother Winstead: Moses didn’t say when he brought down the 10 commandments, ‘Thou shalt start with Chapter 1.’
Brother Winstead: Scare those little suckers to death: ‘What’s she going to do tomorrow?’ and then proceed.
Heidi: I don’t remember knowing how to count in Kindergarten!
Brother Winstead: Well, you should’ve failed Kindergarten.
Brother Sharp: Why is everyone talking? Look at me and pretend like I’m important.
Brother Sharp: I think this needs to be changed, because I’m a nut job. I disagree with Hugh Nibley. I think he’s overrated.
Brother Sharp: In my opinion, (I would say humble, but I’m not particularly humble)…
Dr. D: You start getting used to [hearing music without a downbeat] and then it’s like a drug, and you just say, ‘Oh my gosh, that’s so hip!’
Thomas: [Identifying a high F] That would be a C.
Amber: Um, no. Every good boy…
Thomas: Deserves chocolate! Oh no, deserves fudge.
Lauren: [talking about new stuff in our house] Every time I take a shower, its like, ‘Woo-hoo!’
Dr. K: You don’t have to agree with me just because I’m standing up here in the front of the room, with a tie on.
[After watching a clip from the Bollywood Bride and Prejudice]
Dr. K: Pride and Prejudice is Austen, right?
[much laughter from girls]
Dr. K: Well, I knew it was Bronte or Austen or one of those.”
Holly: How could you mix those up???
Dr. K: My stock just went way down with Holly.
Elder Oaks: Brothers and Sisters, Aloha. People love that you can say that here. Mainlanders even try to imitate you. They’ll stand up and say ‘Good evening” or something meaningless like that.
Elder Oaks: I’m going to try to call this scripture up on this infernal machine, which I haven’t quite learned how to use yet. The reason I call it an infernal machine is because I”m not very technological. President Packer required us all to get ipads.
Lug: Leen, you have one inch of hair.
Lug: You have one inch of hair, cut in half lengthwise.