I Stand All Amazed

I wrote this essay for a diagnostic english test. The prompt was something about a way a certain scripture or psalm has changed your life… something like that. So this is what I wrote about.

ON JUNE 22 OF THIS YEAR I woke up seven hours after being put under anesthesia. I had a big incision on the right side of my head, and my parents and a team of neurosurgeons were standing around me. My right hippocampus was no longer in my brain. I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was three years old, and this surgery was performed in the hopes that the site and source of the seizures was this brain structure, and its removal would prevent further seizures.

My seizures have varied throughout my life, sometimes only occasional, other times more frequent, sometimes less-involved Partial seizures, other times more severe Grand Mal. I’ve gone for long stretches of time without any seizures, but when I came off the medicine, they would return. After going through five different medications, each being unsuccessful in completely curing me, my doctor told me that what was happening in my brain– hoppocampul sclerosis– could usually never be permanently controlled by medicine. She posed the idea of neruosurgery, and after much fasting and prayer, we dicided that would be the best option for me.

I will never forget the night before my surgery. My dad gave me a blessing before I went to bed, but I was still very nervous. I was reading in Alma at the time, and that night I read chapter 14, which contained one of the most comforting, inspiring scriptures I’ve ever read. Alma ad Amulek are in prison, and Amulek says “Behold, perhaps they will burn us also.” Alma then responds, “Be it according to the will of the Lord. But behold, our work here is not finished; therefore they burn us not.” I was amazed at the incredible faither Alma showed right then. As I read it, I was filled with the love of my Father in Heaven, and I was at peace.

The surgeon told me I would be in bed, exhausted and unable to walk for about six weeks. I was up after three. I had countless prayers offered in my behalf, and as I recovered, i thought about the overwhelming amount of blessings I’ve been given. I was “amazed at the love Jesus offers me, and confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me.” I have so much to give back! After coming home from teh hospital, I was suddenly very missionary-minded and determined to serve. I had always wanted to go, but it was then that I realized that I absolutely needed to. It is for that very reason that I decided to come to BYU Hawaii– to prepare to serve a full-time mission for the Lord. I now that because of what I’ve received, I need to return it by serving others. Alma and Amulek still had missonary work to do, and so do I. My work here is not finished, and that is why my surgery was successful and why I’m here today. Alma inspired me, and I’m now prepared to go forward with faith, always believing.

Oh, and I might add that my teacher wrote, “Wonderful essay!” at the bottom. I just wanted to say that. And I also want to say that the testing center is FREEZING.

8 thoughts on “I Stand All Amazed”

  1. Amber: “I wrote a wonderful essay!”
    But really this is a beautiful essay. I like that you credit your successful surgery to the Lord and the fact that He has more for you to do. I’d imagine that for each of us we live another day because we have more work to do. Your positive and faithful outlook is inspiring.

  2. Thanks for taking me back to the many miracles that surrounded your surgery. You were and are an inspiration to me. The works of God truly were manifest . . .

  3. I am excited to watch you work miracles in others’ lives, just as has been in yours and as you have done for us. The Lord sure does have a plan and a purpose for each of us–amazing that he trusted you enough to give this incredible challange, but then he gave you a miracle to overcome it.

  4. I have been overwhelmed lately by how completely the way is prepared for those who love the Lord. I’m so grateful that he has placed some of his cherished daughters in my path to teach me, lighten my load, cry, laugh, and eat with me. You are definitely one of them.

  5. Amber, I love watching you (and currently hearing/reading about you since I can’t watch so much) working at the work that Heavenly Father has for you to do. I’m thankful that He gave you so many priceless friends to share insights and encouragement. The summer of 2010 was an amazing one, and the rest is still unwritten!

  6. Amber, I was about to go to bed and thought before I did, I would just quickly check your blog. I am so glad I did. That was just what I needed to hear and am so happy that you were willing to share that. Thank you!

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